A New Life

It’s been almost 2 months since I last posted. A lot has changed.

Just after the New Year, I decided that I had enough of being alone (hanging out with your grandmother all day doesn’t count as not being alone) and I downloaded a dating app to my phone. The first couple of days, I was pretty disappointed, as all I was getting were invitations for phone sex and requests for nude photos. I told myself I would give it two more days and if I didn’t meet anyone worth talking to, then I would delete it and figure something else out.

The next morning, I got a message. This guy didn’t introduce himself with a picture of his genitals and he didn’t want to see mine either. He wanted to talk.

Granted, I was a little skeptical, but he seemed really nice, and within a few minutes, I gave him my number to let him call me. Even while on the phone, he didn’t want to know sexual and personal details. We talked about each other and asked questions.

That whole first day, he was working at his pastor’s house and driving various places. He called when he could talk and we talked about so much randomness. I really enjoyed talking to him and when he finally got home that night, we didn’t get off the phone until after 3am. That is pretty late considering his pastor let him use his truck to drive all the way to my grandmother’s house 90 minutes away to come see me the next day, just so we could meet.

I barely slept at all, and the next day I was a nervous wreck waiting for a big truck to pull up outside. I still remember that first hug on the walkway in front of the house. I hope I never forget that. Grandma was a little snippy with him when he came in the house to meet her and leave her with his numbers so she knew who he was. Apparently she doesn’t like being called “ma’am” haha!

He took me Si Senors for lunch, and the food wasn’t as good as it usually is. Then we drove around and I showed him the tiny town of Deming. The park was across from Starmax so we spent some time at the park, just walking around and then sitting on a park bench and talking. Once Starmax was open at 3pm, he got us some Slush Puppies and was sat in the bowling area drinking them and listening to some music on his phone. Drinks weren’t allowed in the arcade area so once our drinks were gone, we went over there and had some fun. I totally kicked his butt at skee ball but the Deal or No Deal was the most fun. The guy who was running the ticket booth saw we were working really hard and gave us some tokens so we could keep playing for awhile on that game.

He really wanted to take me to his church on Sunday (this was a Friday) but gas in the big truck would’ve been horrible and his smaller vehicles weren’t up to the long drive at that point yet so I made the suggestion that I just come back with him so I could go to church on Sunday and visit for a while. When we went back to Grandma’s to let her know and to pick up some clothes for me, she was much, much nicer to him and I was a little shocked she was so okay with it!

Well, that was January 6th and I haven’t left since. I am so happy here. We both have pasts we’d rather forget and we are helping each other make each day better so the future is never like that again. We support each other in our likes and make sure we take care of each other. I’ve never been with someone who cares so much about how I feel emotionally, mentally, and physically.

When my “spells” made an appearance, he was concerned. However, instead of telling me to go see this doctor or that doctor, or convincing me that something horrible was wrong with me, he started looking for signs, and triggers, and he used his own experiences to find ways he could help me even though he had never helped someone with this type of issue before. He researched it more than I ever have online and he understands what causes the pseudo seizures and he knows what can help them.

Every day gets better and I have never been happier. Even today, when I feel like crap because of PMS and I want to rip my guts out! I know that I have someone who cares that I’m not feeling well.

I wish this kind of happiness for everyone.

Getting Organized

I went to Dollar Tree today to get some office supplies… I have always been of the mind that most office supplies work the same to get and keep you organized whether they cost $1 or $5 or $20. And, so far, my philosophy has worked very well. I don’t spend much on my supplies and they work very well. Plus, I have found some really cute things like pencil cases and binders at the dollar store – not all of them are meant for kids!

After spending some time getting (mostly) organized, I finished writing up a post on my new business site/blog that I had started earlier. I am happy with how it turned out. Check it out: 8 Benefits of Blogging for Businesses & How I Can Help

I still have quite a bit more work to do today and the regular hotspot that I have been using hasn’t been working so I have been using the mobile hotpot through my cell. So far it hasn’t been draining my data too bad so this may be an option for me as long as I don’t go too overboard with using it frivolously. I will still have to add more data throughout the month but it may actually end up being cheaper than the $60/month I pay for the hotspot I was using for the laptop separate of the data on my phone before. We will see what happens!

I also want to spend more time on Perfectly Posh stuff. I am sadly lacking in that and I feel bad because I used to really enjoy it. I miss it so much! There is an incentive going on right now and my goal is to at LEAST reach Pink in the incentive. That isn’t too hard, right? Right?

Anyway, I have to get back to work so I don’t keep wasting my data. I probably won’t post here again until after the holiday so I hope everyone has a great Christmas Eve and Christmas!

Something I Am Proud Of: Finding a solution to my internet problems so I can still work!

Three Things I Am Grateful For:

  • My organizational skills
  • My problem solving skills
  • My ability to look deep within myself to find out who I truly am

Staying Focused

I have applied for several jobs here in my new town… the town I hope to settle down in permanently. I have been applying for everything I can hope to get, but there have been a couple that I feel I would be extremely happy with. One in particular would be great. It’s a part Member Services position and part Communications Representative. The Member Services is pretty much just customer service for members of the electric co-op. The Communications Rep duties include publishing the annual calendar of events for members, publishing the newsletter, handling the scholarship, and even writing press releases among other things. I handle many of the duties already with several of my freelancing clients so I hope I get the chance to interview for the position.

I have been visiting often with a couple of friends and yesterday they took Grandma and me out sightseeing which was fun. She was adamant about not going but they talked her into it which I’m glad they did as otherwise she would’ve just stuck around the house all day and moped because it was my dad’s birthday.

I think I need to call to make an appointment with my doctor sometime soon though as I’ve been feeling a tingly, sharpness in my feet sometimes… Almost like they are falling asleep but worse. It actually woke me up tonight. It has gradually gotten worse over the last week and a half to two weeks and I’m getting a little concerned.

There have been a lot of major updates to my freelance website. In fact, the only pages that I still have left to update are my Portfolio page with links to online samples of my work, and the Testimonials page where I will post some feedback that I’ve received from some of my clients. My writing rates, editing rates, contact, about, and blog pages are all up. I do need to write and post a new blog entry though just to make sure it’s current. Check it out HERE.

Well, I should get to work. I want to get a lot of writing done today as I really need the money at the moment. I have goals!

Something I’m Proud Of: Everything about ME!

Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  • Friends
  • Family
  • Fresh starts

Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolarity

I have been learning quite a bit about Borderline Personality Disorder from reading the book called, “Sometimes I Act Crazy.” I was given this book when I was hospitalized about a month ago and I was first given this diagnosis. The comorbidity of BPD and Bipolar Disorder does not give a very bright outlook on life.

However, I have learned that there is a reason for a lot of the “quirks” that I have that I could not find reasons for with just my Bipolar diagnosis. Knowing that there is a reason for how I think and act doesn’t excuse it, but at least knowing this reason helps me re-evaluate my thoughts and decisions.

I have been discussing my dual diagnosis in a Facebook group I have been involved in for a long time now and I have also joined a psych forum that I have been posting in regularly. I have learned quite a bit by interacting with others who have these dual-diagnoses or with the loved ones of people who do.

There has definitely been a lot for me to think about lately but it all boils down to several key decisions…

  • My relationship is no longer helpful for either of us. Honestly, I think it is more of habit to keep the relationship but what is the price of comfort? I am ready to move on and I need to focus on myself.
  • I am looking for a job in New Mexico. Currently, I am living at my grandmother’s house and I am hoping that I can get a job that will allow me to stay in the area but get my own place. If I can’t get a job and my own place in the next 8-10 weeks, then I will have to move to my mom’s in Vegas where my residence will last a little longer.
  • I would love to be able to hold down a full-time job, get the freelance business with Melissa up and running, and also (perhaps) offer up ESL classes to the community relatively cheap just for extra pocket money

I feel like if things are meant to happen so that I can stay in New Mexico, I would really like to stay here. I visit with my new psychiatrist (the first time I am seeing a mental health professional since I got out of the hospital a month ago) tomorrow morning and I am looking forward to discussing my new dual-diagnosis with him, perhaps learning more. I may discuss medications, how I’ve been feeling on LESS medication, and how I feel being in New Mexico rather than in Vermont so maybe they could help me find a place to live here.

Well, I am working on finishing an article on Textbroker and then I will go do my relaxing for the night which includes writing in my more personal journal, coloring, etc. I have a routine at night that I believe has helped me sleep much better.

Something I’m Proud Of: Offering my crochet services to people I care about, like my cousin’s wife who needs cancer caps, my grandmother who needs sweaters, and my grandmother’s friend who just lost a family member due to suicide.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  • Friends dropping by unexpectedly
  • Being able to sleep in late for the first time in a very long time
  • Christmas movies on TV all day

A Wonderful Break, Back to Productivity

I had been feeling a bit overwhelmed with my work for a bit. On Saturday, I didn’t get anything productive done. I just played around on the computer and on my phone in front of the TV all day.

However, I knew what I really needed – I needed to unplug.

So, yesterday, I did wake up and get an article written, but then I took a nap and I felt a bit better after that “reset.” When I woke up, my grandma’s friend was here and I had forgotten she was coming over for us all to go out to lunch.

We have fun chatting until it was a decent time for lunch and I had only met her once before but she’s really nice. It was cool going out to lunch with her and Grandma.

When we got back to the house we pulled out a bottle of wine called “Plum Loco” that was the best wine I think I have ever tasted in my life. More chatting ensued, along with laughing, which was definitely fun. At some point, and I’m not sure how it came up, I mentioned that I crocheted and I had to crochet a stocking for my new step-dad (it was a tradition started by my other grandmother to make a stocking for any new family member by marriage or birth and I wanted to continue it) and my grandma’s friend jokingly laughed about me making her a stocking.

I said I couldn’t guarantee anything but I asked her what her favorite colors were anyway. When I went to Wal-Mart to get the yarn for my step-dad’s stocking, I got the extra for hers and I figured if I didn’t have time before Christmas, I would just take the yarn back. Well, in less than a day and a half, the crochet-work for my step-dad’s stocking. I just have to sew up the seams and sew on the embellishments and it will be done. So I am pretty sure I will be able to get hers done.

It was nice sitting in front of the TV to crochet. Actually, Grandma talked about how much I reminded her of her mom sitting there crocheting, even how much I looked like her. It felt cool.

But it was also nice just to be so relaxed when I got to bed and I didn’t have a headache from staring at a computer or phone screen all day.

When I woke up at 4am this morning, I actually felt really motivated to get started on my To-Do List. I have already gotten a decent amount done and Grandma and I havn’t even had lunch yet. I have:

  • Written two articles
  • Written two blog posts for myself
  • Did three reviews at Writing.com to finish up the judging of my poetry contest for the October round
  • Washed and put away my laundry
  • Washed my sheets and made the bed

And it’s not even 12:30pm yet!

I am pretty happy so far. I have my list prioritized with what I need to do the rest of the afternoon, but then I am going to relax and crochet again so I don’t get overwhelmed like I did this past weekend.

I hope everyone else enjoyed their weekend and is having a great start to the week. 🙂

It’s Official: I’m No Longer a Resident of Vermont

My lease on the low-income apartment I had in Vermont ended yesterday. I have to put my keys in the mail to my brother and have him empty my mailbox and send me anything that’s in there that may be important, and then drop the keys off in an envelope through the mail slot at the property management office after he gets off of work one day.

I’m glad that I have a plan for my life and where it’s going. (Notice I didn’t say where I WANT it to go like I would’ve said in the past. I don’t WANT it to go there, it WILL go there.) I make steps every day to make my life better and it’s on the right path. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

It’s important to me to not only work my freelance business every day and build it up, so that I can pay my bills and save money, but also to work my Posh business. I do both of them because I love what I do. I love writing and getting paid for it. I love interacting with my clients and giving each exactly what they need. I have always loved customer service and feel I’m good at it, but I just can’t do retail in busy environments. I’m not social enough.

Granted, I’ve had customer service positions in the past where I didn’t have to work face-to-face with people and I did well, but many didn’t allow me the freedom to tell myself to take a little break if I felt my brain was getting a little overwhelmed. When in any traditional work environment, you can’t just say “Hey, I will be in the breakroom for 5 minutes, I’ll be back.” At least not as often as you need to. Since I work from home, I can take 5 meal breaks, 3 tea and cracker breaks, and 2 TV breaks if I want as long as I still get my work done for the day. (At least the way I do my work; some people strictly schedule their days and that works for them. To each their own.)

I am learning to be even more productive and that will go a long way toward saving up to get that apartment I want to get (and maintain) for my fiance and I. Oh, and I will have to pay for the move as well since I won’t obviously be staying in New Mexico where my Grandma is.

My goals may be lofty but they aren’t out of reach. And in the meantime I still have things to be proud of and grateful for.

Something I’m proud of: maintaining my level of motivation for my work each day

Three things I’m grateful for:

  • Waking up each morning to a sexy voice
  • Having a roof over my head thanks to family
  • Constant love and support from those I love and love me back

Another Productive Day Despite Lackluster Sleep

I went to bed early last night because I was tired and just wanted to curl up in the covers and relax. I ended up falling asleep early but I didn’t stay asleep. In fact, I woke up several times and then tossed and turned until falling back asleep. I finally woke up for decent bit at 3am, but by 7am I was so tired I fell asleep for another 3 hours.

When I’m used to getting up at 4am and starting my work and being productive most of the day, not starting to really dig into my to-do list until almost 11am really threw off my day. I was getting used to a schedule and whatever I was feeling, and for whatever reason, really threw me off.

However, I told myself that once I was up, I was going to sit down and be productive. I made myself a goal for the day to match my freelance writing word count from the day before of 5k words. It is not even 4pm and I am at 4k words and I have a few projects left I can work on that will definitely keep me busy.

I also had breakfast and showered this morning, I have chatted some portion of the day with my best friend and also my fiance, and I ate lunch that my grandmother warmed up for us. (It was leftovers from Mondays lunch of kielbasa, potatoes, and sauerkraut. Makes the house smell horrible but I love the taste.) Oh, and I read the newspaper (it’s a small town newspaper) as well.

Other than matching my 5k word goal from yesterday, I have to write a the December 1st newsletter for the Fantasy and Science Fiction Society on Writing.Com today, and I have to study a bit on a Digital Marketing course I am taking on Coursera that will help me market and run my business more effectively. Those were my three goals today.

I think I will take a break from the freelancing to work on that newsletter. I know it’s a “goal” but it’s more of a fun thing to do than anything. I put it down as a goal more to remind myself to do it than anything. Hahah! I like working on the course studies at night because then I can go to my room and play the course videos/lectures and not bother Grandma while she’s reading or watching TV.

Also, I have been forgetting to write down the most important part of my Swings & Seesaws blog posts, the “something I’m proud of” and “three things I’m grateful for” closing remarks. So, here goes:

Something I’m proud of: my newfound dedication to my goals

Three things I’m grateful for:

  • My fiance’s encouragement and support
  • My health
  • Having access to the internet so I can work from home

Working Hard to Make My Dreams Come True

My one dream right now is to be with my fiance in our own place. Of course, with me living with my grandmother so that I can save some money to pay for a deposit on the apartment we get and the deposit for the utilities, it seems we are as far away from that as we possibly can be. For Christ’s sakes, I’m even in another state. However, the fact that I’ve wanted and needed this more than anything else in my life has me working hard to make this dream a reality.

I have gotten some new online tools to help me stay organized and focused on my freelance writing so that I can increase my income without getting overwhelmed. I am going to work really hard on monetizing my blog on freelancing (http://www.writingfreelanceright.com) and I am working with my current clients to keep their needs met while attaining new clients that will be reliable in giving me regular work.

I even applied for a holiday/seasonal job at the local Walmart so I can just work for the next few months to save up some money that way as well.

I am working very hard to stay focused on my dream, and my goals each day, so that I can make my dream a reality as soon as possible. Because it’s not just my dream. It’s the dream of my lover as well.

Clover Clothing Company

Clover Clothing for Leggings, Tops, and More!

I am now a rep for Clover Clothing! The official site has not yet been launched so the products on the site are a bit slim but there are SOME and there are only 300 reps (limited at 300 until the official launch).

To shop the store, please visit the following link: http://clover-clothing-company.myshopify.com?afmc=7o

I love the fact that they have such a great range of sizes for leggings!

leggings sizes

Can you believe it! And they have some of the most adorable designs, too. Unlike some of the other companies that only have plain colors or really ugly patterns for the bigger sizes (trust me, I’m a bigger girl, so I know!) this company has cute stuff already and they aren’t even fully stocked yet! Check out this one pair as an example:

leggings example

But they also have graphic tees and cute long tops that everyone loves to pair with their leggings these days. Oh, and I didn’t even know you could get these, but they have top EXTENDERS that you wear under your regular length top or tee to make it longer to wear with leggings. How awesome is that, right?! Check this out?

Hurricane Shirt

That is my most favorite shirt right now and as soon as I get paid I am totally buying that. I need it! And then I need every color (blue, pink, and black) of this shirt:

Long Sleeve Lace Tops

So, check out this brand new company! I think you will love what they have so far and they aren’t even fully stocked yet. (They hope to be soon to have Christmas orders go out!) They will have clothes for infants, kids, women, men, and even shoes! You will hear a lot more from me about my new adventure!

Clover Clothing Company

to do list or not to do list

Productivity: When to Relax!

My productivity levels have been extremely high lately, and not just for me either, I mean for anyone they would be considered high. I’ve actually had to scale it back a bit because I know I was overdoing it and it was starting to take a toll on me.

Freelance & Creative Writing

I have been extremely focused on my freelance writing and I have a little more work than I can handle on my own so I have been asking for help from a couple of other trusted freelancers. I still have to assign the work, edit the work, turn in the work, and make sure everything passes muster… but it helps to take a bit off my plate.

However, I have more clients coming back for more work than I ever have before. I am pretty sure this is a good thing, but at the same time it’s kind of freaking me out because I don’t know where to put all these clients! I sort of want to tell a couple of them to go sit on the couch and wait a minute while I finish up over here, but I can’t do that!

I’m also working on NaNoWriMo this month. I’m already severely behind in where I need to be for the month regarding word count but I’m confident I can make it up. I already love the story I’m writing so much that it will be hard to keep me from NOT writing it! I will have to share a bit of the story at another point in time.

Oh, and there’s a blogging challenge over at Writing.Com called the 30-Day Blogging Challenge that I’ve decided to enter. I entered it a few days late so I just got caught up last night but I think it will get me into the habit of writing in my blog every day over there on things that aren’t just the same things I blog about over here. Prompts are good for some things, you know?

The Job Front

Besides making money with my freelance writing, I have been putting my productivity to use in other areas. I have signed up to be an affiliate with a direct sales company – this one sells clothes like leggings and tops and things. And, of course, I’m still doing Perfectly Posh. I’m actually running a party right now for a friend of mine and I hope she gets a lot of sales!

I’m also considering getting my license to become a life insurance agent. A former freelance writing client I reached out to, to see if he had any work, told me about the venture he and his wife had started a couple of years ago that went national representing 14 different life insurance companies. There’s no cold calling involved and I like that they train their reps so well. I have a feeling I will do it, it will just take some time for me to do some more research on it.

In Conclusion

As always, I have to wrap things up with my usual “proud” and “grateful” things. I think this is a great way to end any blog, or even private journalling, as it makes you focus on good things instead of only negative. Leaving on a good note is always best!

Something I am Proud Of: Pushing myself so hard to support myself.

Three Things I am Grateful For:

  • Having Shoes
  • Having Clothes
  • Being Able to Shower