Category Archives: Health

Beauty of Writing

Writing, writing, writing freelance!

Yup, I’m writing freelance again!

I have been for a few months now and I’ve slowly been building up my clientele. It’s been nice having some of them come back to me for more work and giving me compliments on the work I give them. It makes me feel accomplished as a writer.

Not only that but it makes me feel appreciated as a human being, which is always nice.

I have also been branching out into higher paying jobs, and into niches I haven’t written in before. I wrote an eBook on Mindfulness. I had written about Mindfulness before, but never an eBook that long before so I was quite pleased with myself on that one.

I have been (mostly) getting on the computer every day to at least submit proposals to make sure I have steady work coming in (which is even more important now that I have a team.

That’s right, I have a team again! One of them worked with me last time and I enjoyed working with her very much. The other woman is someone I am sponsoring through a challenge on a creative writing website and we are working very well together at that and she is a great writer so I invited her to the team. She accepted and we are all working together to get some big projects done!

I hope this is a very successful venture for all of us and that our efforts will be fruitful!

I have been fairly stable. Just little ups and downs but that’s to be expected. No major ups and downs, especially none that last awhile.

The spells (stress induced seizure-type things) have ramped up a bit though and I have actually fallen and hurt myself a couple of times so I am trying to reduce stress as much as possible. The biggest stressor right now being my financial situation, I think that I can fix a lot of that just by focusing my attention on my freelance writing like I am and really making this my career goal like I have always wanted it to be.

Well, I have work to do (I have actually been writing this in between doing other projects – multitasking! HAHA) so I’d better get going! Nice to be blogging again!

Something I’m Proud Of: Working so hard toward my goals

Three Things I’m Thankful For:

  • My boyfriend
  • My friends and family who support me (including said boyfriend)
  • The beautiful weather

The View from Bayview

So Quay caught me in the bedroom with a pair of scissors against my wrist. He hit them away and then slapped my head, telling me to get my shoes on because he was taking me to the ER. The conversation during the ER visit wasn’t very helpful. In fact, I was quite relieved when the crisis worker took him away for a conversation. But then Colleen showed up. I had been in contact with her several times over the holiday weekend so it wasn’t a surprise, and actually calming.

They came up with a plan to take me to a respite house for one night, which is actually a group home with one respite bed in it, and then I would go to Bayview, which is the crisis bed. I was very upset at the respite bed because one person in particular was always angry and upset and when Quay and I were having a conversation, this person was certain we were talking about him. I which Quay would’ve stayed longer to make sure I was okay instead of just leave, but nope, he just left.

A little while later, they came to get me to take me to Bayview. It was already late so I just relaxed and went to bed. The next day was a lot of treatment work though and that was helpful but also hard. That night I slept much better than I had in many months.

Today, so far, I have worked with a new worker who has helped me determine why I self-harm and what my stressors are. We got about half-way through the packet and he said we’d finish the rest tomorrow. Tomorrow I also see my case manager and therapist.

They haven’t told me how long they want me to stay here but I feel safe here and I feel good working on things that will help me when I go home, especially the goals and working on stressors. They are repeating to me that I have a voice in my own home and it’s up to me to use it. I have used it before, I can use it again.

When Drinking for Fun Turns to Drinking the Blues Away

Hello, everyone. It’s been a while since I’ve posted again. This is beginning to be habit, I know… and I’m sorry.

I had been in a very good mood actually and I had been out doing things with my brother and his girlfriend and, of course, my husband. I was feeling so good, in fact, that I wanted to do a little drinking.

My drink of choice that night were Jager-bombs, and I remember the Red Bull running out and I started taking straight shots of it.

We were playing board games the whole time I was drinking and I remember playing Candyland, and Clue, and most of Yahtzee.

The sad part is that I don’t even remember having to get up to go to the bathroom to throw up and Courtney had to help me get there. I don’t remember being put in bed, or being recorded as I made a fool out of myself (she recorded it to show me the next day so my close inner circle could all have a laugh, not to put it on Facebook, and I trust her not to), and I don’t remember trying to have sex with my husband before I passed out (the important word being “trying”).

When I woke up the next morning I had gotten barely any sleep so I was still fairly drunk but I already started to feel pain in my abdomen and I was nauseous.

As the day progressed my hangover got worse, but so did the pain and nausea. It wasn’t until the hangover started getting better and the pain and nausea was still getting worse, that I got worried.

We were at Courtney’s house and it was just after dinner. We were enjoying time with her daughter (even though I didn’t feel well), and I had to go to the bathroom. No biggie, right? Wrong. The toilet was filled with bloody diarrhea and the pain was even worse. Quay decided to take me to the ER.

After several tests, it came back as gastritis, which would go away in 3 to 5 days. However, while I was recovering from that, I ended up getting sick with a stomach bug/stuffy nose thing so this whole ordeal lasted 10 days in bed.

During those 10 days in bed, I started thinking about all sorts of things (things I can’t even remember now) and I got a little depressed. I’m trying to get out of the funk but it’s still hard. I will let you know of my progress on Sunday since we go to the water park on Saturday. Yay.

Lots of Changes, I Don’t Like Changes

My old case manager is now on maternity leave. I now have Rene and she’s hardly been in contact with me at all. I want to say she made an appointment with me but in my confusion with someone new I forgot to program it into my phone, and I also forgot to ask her to call me before she leaves the agency so I know she’s on her way. That way I know I’m awake, the door to the back porch is unlocked, and the dogs are put away or outside. Maybe I should call her tomorrow and make sure she knows to do that? I don’t know.

But remember last time I mentioned my anxiety was bothering me? Well, before my old case manager left, she made an appointment with my psychiatrist to make sure I saw him about that and I went to the appointment. He was worried about increasing my Xanax by much more, so instead of doing that, he switched it to Klonopin. So that’s another change I have to deal with.

But at the same time, literally the same day, my primary care doctor prescribed me Tramadol for my restless legs so now I have two new meds and I don’t know if it’s just one of them or the combination of the two that’s doing it but now when I take my meds at night I get this foggy brained headache that only food will cure. It’s a strange feeling really.

But I am just trying to keep up with my to do list each day and not focus on my anxiety or what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day. It’s all I can do, right? Changes be damned.

I Hate Doctors!!!

So I said I would update the day after my neurologist appointment and it’s been a bit past that but I’m here to update you.

There was SOOOO much drama at my neurologist’s office when I got there. I arrived just before 1pm for that 1pm appointment. I told them why I was there and who I was there to see and they seemed confused so they looked me up. They told me that on September 12th the appointment was “bumped” (whatever that means) and then on September 18th, my primary care doctor called to cancel the appointment. Now, I know my primary doctor and I’ve seen her as long as I’ve been in Vermont, and she wouldn’t just call and cancel one of my appointments. (I called them on the way home from this appointment and they had no idea what I was talking about, and I saw my primary doctor the next day and asked her and she was appalled that they would try to cause a problem between her and her patient like that just to try to cover whatever problem they caused for themselves.

But my neurologist’s office offered to let me see another provider in another office an hour away (closer to home) and they would fit me in. I saw this doctor and he basically told me the same thing my old neurologist said without even looking at me, that it was stress. When I told him my psychiatrist said he didn’t believe they were caused by stress he just rolled his eyes. He said there were two more options: 1) a 24 hour mobile EEG monitor that I would go home with or 2) send me to Dartmouth for a second opinion. We are starting with the monitor and will go to Dartmouth depending on the results of that.

That was definitely a lot to tell my psychiatrist the next day. He was happy that they are willing to send me to Dartmouth and thinks I should’ve just told them I want to go down there. But I am happy with waiting. After all, they have never caught a seizure on an EEG so maybe they will on this monitor. But my psychiatrist doesn’t want to change my meds at all because he doesn’t want to get things even more convoluted for the monitor.

I saw my primary doctor at the same building as my psychiatrist (isn’t that awesome) and I caught her up on everything the first two doctors had said, which was a lot. And she told me my thyroid looks much better so that’s good.

I hate doctors.

It’s a Hum-Drum Life

So few things have changed regards to my health. My moods have still been random, however the highs have not been quite so high and the lows have not been quite so low. I have still been having seizures as well. However, I am seeing three doctors in the next two days and I’m hoping to get several things resolved at these appointments.

First up is my neurologist tomorrow. I need to know why I am getting these seizures. The first neurologist wrote in my paperwork (didn’t tell me, just wrote it in my paperwork) that my seizures were caused by stress and would be better resolved by a psychiatrist than a neurologist. But how am I supposed to know these things if I’m not told? I’m not a mind reader! However, my psychiatrist believes, based on what my husband says these seizures look like and how I react to them, that they are neurological in nature and not psychogenic. So we need to get to the bottom of this with the new neurologist that I see tomorrow.

Then on Thursday, my first appointment is my psychiatrist, and I have a feeling he is going to want to reduce my risperidone and increase my lithium, because the hospital a few weeks ago said that my lithium level was low. Other than that, I will just be catching him up on what the neurologist says tomorrow so I can try to get everyone on the same page.

My third and final appointment is just after my psychiatrist appointment and is with my primary care doctor. I meet with her at my psychiatrist’s office because of a contract they share and I love that convenience. If all goes well and I get answers from my neurologist on Wednesday, I will be giving her an update on things and she will be letting me know how my thyroid is doing and whether my thyroid med dosage will be going up, down, or staying the same.

So that’s all the health stuff. Things have been rather stressful in my home life as well for a couple of reasons, although they are good reasons. One, my husband got a promotion at work and is now the Program Director of a homeless shelter that not only gives homeless people a place to stay but helps them become and stay housed. He started as a Case Manager so this is a big step up for him. It’s taken some adjustment for me to be able to handle him having to be available all the time like he has to but I am getting there. Two, my brother moved in with us. He came all the way from Las Vegas. It’s really nice having him here, especially when Quay isn’t, so I’m not alone if I have a seizure. But I have to get used to living with another person again. And soon, he will have a job and will be gone during the day and I will be alone sometimes again.

But that’s what’s going on here with me. I will update again after my appointment tomorrow to let you know what happened. Gnight, all!