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A New Life

It’s been almost 2 months since I last posted. A lot has changed.

Just after the New Year, I decided that I had enough of being alone (hanging out with your grandmother all day doesn’t count as not being alone) and I downloaded a dating app to my phone. The first couple of days, I was pretty disappointed, as all I was getting were invitations for phone sex and requests for nude photos. I told myself I would give it two more days and if I didn’t meet anyone worth talking to, then I would delete it and figure something else out.

The next morning, I got a message. This guy didn’t introduce himself with a picture of his genitals and he didn’t want to see mine either. He wanted to talk.

Granted, I was a little skeptical, but he seemed really nice, and within a few minutes, I gave him my number to let him call me. Even while on the phone, he didn’t want to know sexual and personal details. We talked about each other and asked questions.

That whole first day, he was working at his pastor’s house and driving various places. He called when he could talk and we talked about so much randomness. I really enjoyed talking to him and when he finally got home that night, we didn’t get off the phone until after 3am. That is pretty late considering his pastor let him use his truck to drive all the way to my grandmother’s house 90 minutes away to come see me the next day, just so we could meet.

I barely slept at all, and the next day I was a nervous wreck waiting for a big truck to pull up outside. I still remember that first hug on the walkway in front of the house. I hope I never forget that. Grandma was a little snippy with him when he came in the house to meet her and leave her with his numbers so she knew who he was. Apparently she doesn’t like being called “ma’am” haha!

He took me Si Senors for lunch, and the food wasn’t as good as it usually is. Then we drove around and I showed him the tiny town of Deming. The park was across from Starmax so we spent some time at the park, just walking around and then sitting on a park bench and talking. Once Starmax was open at 3pm, he got us some Slush Puppies and was sat in the bowling area drinking them and listening to some music on his phone. Drinks weren’t allowed in the arcade area so once our drinks were gone, we went over there and had some fun. I totally kicked his butt at skee ball but the Deal or No Deal was the most fun. The guy who was running the ticket booth saw we were working really hard and gave us some tokens so we could keep playing for awhile on that game.

He really wanted to take me to his church on Sunday (this was a Friday) but gas in the big truck would’ve been horrible and his smaller vehicles weren’t up to the long drive at that point yet so I made the suggestion that I just come back with him so I could go to church on Sunday and visit for a while. When we went back to Grandma’s to let her know and to pick up some clothes for me, she was much, much nicer to him and I was a little shocked she was so okay with it!

Well, that was January 6th and I haven’t left since. I am so happy here. We both have pasts we’d rather forget and we are helping each other make each day better so the future is never like that again. We support each other in our likes and make sure we take care of each other. I’ve never been with someone who cares so much about how I feel emotionally, mentally, and physically.

When my “spells” made an appearance, he was concerned. However, instead of telling me to go see this doctor or that doctor, or convincing me that something horrible was wrong with me, he started looking for signs, and triggers, and he used his own experiences to find ways he could help me even though he had never helped someone with this type of issue before. He researched it more than I ever have online and he understands what causes the pseudo seizures and he knows what can help them.

Every day gets better and I have never been happier. Even today, when I feel like crap because of PMS and I want to rip my guts out! I know that I have someone who cares that I’m not feeling well.

I wish this kind of happiness for everyone.

In A Bad Place

The last few days have been horrible. I’ve been manic, depressed, and anxious all at the same time. But last night was the worst. The only thing that stopped me from cutting was my phone going off.

And now I really feel that I don’t want to be around anymore. I am in a bad place.

When Drinking for Fun Turns to Drinking the Blues Away

Hello, everyone. It’s been a while since I’ve posted again. This is beginning to be habit, I know… and I’m sorry.

I had been in a very good mood actually and I had been out doing things with my brother and his girlfriend and, of course, my husband. I was feeling so good, in fact, that I wanted to do a little drinking.

My drink of choice that night were Jager-bombs, and I remember the Red Bull running out and I started taking straight shots of it.

We were playing board games the whole time I was drinking and I remember playing Candyland, and Clue, and most of Yahtzee.

The sad part is that I don’t even remember having to get up to go to the bathroom to throw up and Courtney had to help me get there. I don’t remember being put in bed, or being recorded as I made a fool out of myself (she recorded it to show me the next day so my close inner circle could all have a laugh, not to put it on Facebook, and I trust her not to), and I don’t remember trying to have sex with my husband before I passed out (the important word being “trying”).

When I woke up the next morning I had gotten barely any sleep so I was still fairly drunk but I already started to feel pain in my abdomen and I was nauseous.

As the day progressed my hangover got worse, but so did the pain and nausea. It wasn’t until the hangover started getting better and the pain and nausea was still getting worse, that I got worried.

We were at Courtney’s house and it was just after dinner. We were enjoying time with her daughter (even though I didn’t feel well), and I had to go to the bathroom. No biggie, right? Wrong. The toilet was filled with bloody diarrhea and the pain was even worse. Quay decided to take me to the ER.

After several tests, it came back as gastritis, which would go away in 3 to 5 days. However, while I was recovering from that, I ended up getting sick with a stomach bug/stuffy nose thing so this whole ordeal lasted 10 days in bed.

During those 10 days in bed, I started thinking about all sorts of things (things I can’t even remember now) and I got a little depressed. I’m trying to get out of the funk but it’s still hard. I will let you know of my progress on Sunday since we go to the water park on Saturday. Yay.

It’s Been a While!

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve posted here. So much has happened since the last time, too!

My doc added a new med (well, an old med, as I was on it before) to my medication stack before. I think I might’ve mentioned it. Anyway, he’s been slowly increasing that (it’s Lithium, by the way, the gold standard in Bipolar treatment) and soon he will start to decrease the risperidone, which is what I had been on before as a mood stabilizer. I am hoping all of this goes smoothly, as I can’t really afford any more manic or depressive episodes like I was having before.

Class is going well right now. We’re in week 3 of the 8 week class and I’m all caught up. I have two more classes after this and then they will send me my degree in the mail (I have to take them both at the same time – it was a stipulation of my walking in the graduation ceremony last weekend). And yup, you read that right! I graduated! Well, sort of. You know what I mean. 😀 Wanna see a picture?

Krysha's Graduation

Krysha’s Graduation

Yup, that’s me and hubby outside after the ceremony. There were over 1,300 people graduating so it took a while!

Oh, and before I forget, I have a flash fiction piece published! You can read all about it HERE. Don’t forget to tell me what you think of it!

A Quick Update

So I’m lying in bed. I didn’t get to sleep last night until almost 5am and then I got up about noon to see my caseworker. I was tired and I laid down while hubby was at school. I didn’t intend to actually sleep, just watch TV for a bit and relax, but I ended up falling asleep shortly after he left and I didn’t wake up until he came home.

 

Oh, and I’m going to spend 4th of July in Arkansas with my best friend, Brooke! I can’t wait to go to actually meet her in person since I’ve only ever known her online and over the phone.

 

But things have been going okay though. Not good and not bad. Just thought I’d update my blog since I hadn’t done that in a while.

 

Something I’m Proud Of: Meeting with my caseworker.

 

Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  • My husband
  • The fact that I can attend school right now to get my Bachelor’s degree
  • The support of my caseworker